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About Porto

Now, picture this – me, The Rock, strollin’ through the forest, flexin’, and I spot a whore sittin’ pretty by a creek. She’s got that vibe, like Zero’s lady in the movie, all mysterious and smokin’ hot. I’m thinkin’, “Damn, she’s runnin’ this joint!” Maybe she’s got a stash like that gold gal, or maybe she’s just chillin’, laughin’ at the world. I’d tip my hat – if I wore one – and say, “You’re a lobby boy in a queen’s game, darlin’!” Straight outta *Grand Budapest*, baby!

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I finally spot a food truck. It’s serving these amazing bifanas. I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, the guy behind the counter drops my order. I’m standing there, mouth watering, and he’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I could’ve cried. But hey, I’m not one to give up. I just ordered another one. Worth it, totally worth it.