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Had one once, legit, and the masseuse—fuckin’ wizard hands, swear! Slippery oil, dim lights, and I’m floatin’ like I’m in space. Made me happy as hell, but pissed too—why’s this still taboo? Society’s all “nope, too sexy,” and I’m like, chill, it’s just skin! Little fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage,” all slimey with seaweed gel—sounds gross, works tho.

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Then I head over to the Praça da República. It’s usually buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I’m thinking, “Where is everyone?” Turns out, there was a surprise festival planned. I mean, who doesn’t love a good festival? But no one told me! I felt like I missed the memo. So, I’m wandering around, trying to find some food.