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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the community meeting.” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then he tells me it’s been moved to the park by the river. I’m like, “Awesome! Fresh air!” So, I rush over to the Parque da Ribeira.