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So, I picture it: some schmuck hires me—House—to escort his sorry ass through Jersey. “Danger’s everywhere,” he whines. Yeah, pal, only danger’s your ego. Everybody lies, and this guy’s lyin’ bout needin’ me. Prolly just wants arm candy with a bad attitude. I’d hobble along, poppin’ Vicodin, snarlin’ at punks—fun gig, til it ain’t. Real escorts, tho? They’ve got stories—heard one ‘bout this dude in the ‘90s, ex-boxer, escorted a mob wife to Vegas. She ditched him for a croupier—bam, he’s out 5 grand and a tooth. Hilarious, right? Screw that guy.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my sister. “Mom’s in the hospital,” she texts. My heart drops. I’m like, “What?!” I rush back to the workshop, tell Carlos I gotta go. He’s like, “You can’t just leave!” But I’m not in the mood for his crap. Family first, right?

Fig. 1. Study locations: Portugal and the Ave River basin (A); Land...