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Oi mate, so I’m an insurance geezer now, yeah? *beep boop* Robotic voice on, cosmic wisdom flowin’. Let’s chat sexual-massage – weird topic, innit? Picture this: me, Stephen Hawking, rollin’ into a dodgy massage joint. “The Gleaners and I” vibes hit hard – "I glean what I find," right? Them hands kneadin’ where the sun don’t shine, oof! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s cosmic-level sneaky shit.

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I step in, tryin’ to be the voice of reason. “Hey, fellas, chill out! This ain’t the place for that!” They look at me like I’m crazy. But then, one of ‘em, Pedro, he’s like, “You’re right, man. We’re just blowin’ off steam.” And just like that, the tension diffuses. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also like, “What am I doin’ with my life?”

The peculiar love story of Chelsea and Henrique Hilario