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Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But picture this: dim lights, soft tunes, hands slidin’—it’s like time travel, but hornier. “Don’t be a schmuck, enjoy the ride!”—Wolf vibes again. Sarcasm? Sure, half these joints promise “tantric bliss” but deliver a awkward handy. LOL, tantric my ass! Still, when it works, it’s fuckin’ electric—makes ya feel alive, ya dig?

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Finally, I made my way back to the center. I was starving, so I hit up this little restaurant on Rua do Comércio. The food there is bomb! I ordered bacalhau à brás. It’s like, my fave dish. But when it came, it was way too salty. I mean, did they think I was a salt lick? I was like, “C’mon, guys!”

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