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Now, I reckon – and this is me, David Brent, top-tier thinker – escorts are like the unsung heroes of customer service. They’re out there, deliverin’ KPIs of affection, no faff, no fuss. You want a cuddle? Boom, sorted. You want the full works? They’re closin’ the deal faster than you can say “team-building exercise”. Ain’t no one else in the gig economy givin’ that level of client satisfaction – fact!

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So, I sneak out during lunch. I mean, who’s gonna notice, right? I hit up the festival, and wow, it’s packed! The smell of grilled stuff hits me like a wave. I grab a plate of sardines, and they’re so good, I almost cry. Like, why can’t every meal be this amazing?

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