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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ escort, huh? Not those lame-ass cars—nah, the spicy kind! Ya know, the ladies of the night! I’m a freakin’ Torcador, I see shit you don’t! Like in my fave movie, *Carlos*—that badass line, “I’m a soldier, not a martyr!”—that’s me, struttin’ through life, not takin’ no crap!

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Finally, I manage to separate them. Turns out, it was over a game of cards. I’m like, “Seriously? You guys are fighting over a game?” But then, one of ‘em pulls out a knife. My heart drops. I’m like, “Not today, buddy!”

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