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Here’s the kicker—did ya know some erotic-massage spots in Japan use freakin’ *nuru* gel? Slippery seaweed stuff—wild! Slidin’ around like eels, no kiddin’! Bet the Wall Street creeps pay triple for that while we’re googlin’ “back pain DIY.” Sarcasm alert: oh sure, let’s keep it classy for the elites, right?

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After that, I head to the market on Praça da República. It’s buzzing! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all the locals are there. I grab some chouriço because, duh, it’s a must. But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a tomato. A TOMATO! Like, bro, it’s not that serious! I can’t help but laugh. The vendor’s just rolling his eyes. Classic São João da Pesqueira moment.

Ranking das Escolas. Veja em que lugar ficou a sua na tabela interativa