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About Almada

Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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So, I’m plowin’ through the fields, and it’s actually kinda nice. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of those pesky seagulls swoops down. They’re dive-bombing my tractor like it’s a target practice. I’m swervin’ left and right, tryin’ to dodge ‘em. I’m yellin’ at ‘em like they can hear me. “Get outta here, ya feathered fiends!”

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