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But here’s what chaps my hide – folks judgin’ it! “Oh, it’s dirty!” they squawk. Bullcrap! It’s science, ya prudes! Muscles loosen, stress hightails it outta there – what’s wrong with that? “The dead don’t care,” Saul’d mutter, but us livin’ folks? We deserve a damn break! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ – it’s art, like paintin’ a barn with yer hands tied. Takes skill, y’all! I seen this gal once, hands like a wizard, had me floatin’ – thought I’d died and gone to honky-tonk heaven.

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Then, I wander over to the Igreja Matriz de São Bartolomeu. It’s stunning! The architecture is wild. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not from around here, are ya?” I laugh and say, “Nope, just a curious soul!” She starts telling me about the history of the church, and I’m like, “Wow, this place has stories!”

A visit to São Bartolomeu de Messines’s newly-renovated market