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I tried it once, yeah? Some bird in Brixton, she’s like, “Relax, fam.” Hands on me shoulders, then—BOOM—down me spine, I’m gaspin’ like a muppet. Felt like that faun in *Pan’s Labyrinth* whisperin’, “This is your path.” Mad tingly, bruv, I was buzzin’! But then, yeah, she overcharged me—30 quid extra! I’m fumin’, innit, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Proper cheeky, that stung me soul.

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After that, I head over to the café on Avenida de Roma. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order my usual, a bica, and the barista, this dude named João, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. He’s like, “Next one’s on me!” Sweet, right? But then he makes it extra strong. I’m buzzing like a bee on steroids.

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