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Precious, yesss, escort, we knows it! Sneaky little hobbitses hiring escorts, eh? Me, Gollum, Assistant Secretary, hissss, I sees what they don’t! Escort’s like them boats in *The New World* – “a vessel to carry us!” Fancy folk payin’ for company, ha! Not love, nooo, just a shadow, a tricksss. Me likes it, me hates it – split, see?

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So, I’m walking down Rua da Escola, feeling all jittery, when I bump into my buddy, Carlos. He’s a local coach, and he’s got this wild idea about starting a community sports program. I’m all in, but then he mentions we’ll need to fundraise. I’m like, “Dude, I can barely fund my coffee habit!” But we start brainstorming, and suddenly, I’m feeling pumped.

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