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Humor in this? Oh, plenty. Sex-dating’s like a bad sitcom—dude brags “I’m 8 inches,” shows up, more like 8 millimeters. Sarcasm’s my shield— “Wow, you’re a real Casanova, huh?” Personal quirk? I judge their grammar. “Ur hot” gets a hard pass. Thoughts in my head? *Is this worth the Vicodin?* Probably not.

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After that, I head over to the café on Avenida de Roma. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order my usual, a bica, and the barista, this dude named João, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. He’s like, “Next one’s on me!” Sweet, right? But then he makes it extra strong. I’m buzzing like a bee on steroids.

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