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Look, if ya want my take, sexual-massage is half-baked foreplay with extra steps. Hate it. “You can’t turn back time,” movie says—damn right, or I’d un-do that hour of hell. Stick to liftin’ weights or huntin’. That’s real. This? This is for city boys with no spine. Hate everything about it—oily, weird, pointless. Now get outta my face.

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But then, out of nowhere, this old man walks by. He’s got this huge smile and says, “Need a hand, boys?” I’m like, “Yes, please!” Turns out, he’s a retired mechanic. He pops the hood, does some magic, and boom! The car starts. I’m like, “What just happened?”

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