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Last week, some git in cellblock C bragged he got one—said it “freed his soul.” Bollocks! Freed his wallet, more like—cost him a pack of smokes to bribe the guard. Made me proper mad—why ain’t *I* gettin’ that deal? But then, I’m thinkin’, “Loki, you’re above this,”—burdened with glorious purpose, not grovelin’ for a rubdown. Still, I was chuffed hearin’ it—imaginin’ him squirming, all awkward. “You think you’re in charge?” I’d say, like in *Toni Erdmann*, watchin’ him melt under some lass’s thumbs.

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Then, I head over to the park by the river. You know, Parque da Cidade? It’s beautiful there, man. I’m just chilling, enjoying the view of the Tagus. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and BAM! Hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “What the heck, kid?” He just laughs and runs off. I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice!

Mercadona to open 10 more Portugal stores