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Here’s the kicker – some say it’s therapy, not just sex stuff. Bullshit or not, I don’t care, it works! I’m layin’ there, she’s doin’ her thing, and I’m quotin’ Freddie in my head, “Man is not an animal!” – but fuck, maybe I am, ‘cause this feels primal, ya know? Oh, and the typos? Screw it, I’m typin’ fast – massge, masage, who gives a shit? It’s sexual-massage, it’s messy, it’s Jersey. Next time, I’m bringin’ Paulie Walnuts – he’d lose his mind, screamin’, “This chick’s a miracle worker!” Gabagool? Ova here, baby!

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I jump out, and the wind hits me like a freight train. I’m free-falling, and all I can think is, “Don’t mess this up!” I pull the chute, and boom! I’m gliding down, and the view is insane. Santa-Cruz looks beautiful from up here, but I can’t enjoy it. There’s a fire to put out!

Order a Pepsi at El Jardin in Santa Cruz & you’ll pay the Banana Slug City sin tax