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Oh, and the typos—cos I’m rushin’, yeah? Sex-dating’s fast, gotta keep up! Swipin’ left, right, chattin’ up a storm—once texted “wanna shag?” when I meant “wanna chat?”—whoops! She laughed, thank God, but my mojo took a hit. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Like, 80% of blokes exaggerate their… equipment size—fact! Seen it on X, some study—hilarious but sad, yeah?

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Finally, I get to the station, and the vibe is tense. The chief is pacing like a caged lion. “We got a fire in the hills!” he barks. My heart drops. The hills? That’s where all the fancy houses are. You know, the ones with the ocean views? I’m thinking, “Great, let’s go save some rich folks’ mansions.”

Toxic algae bloom taking a toll on Southern California marine life