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Avast ye, mateys! ‘Tis I, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? Now, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense—argh, it’s a slippery topic, aye! Picture this: me, stumblin’ outta Tortuga, rum in hand, when I hear ‘bout these fancy hands roamin’ where the sun don’t shine. Sexual-massage, they call it—sounds like a treasure map to a good time, don’t it? But hold yer parrots, it ain’t all gold doubloons!

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Miguel is rolling on the sand, laughing his head off. I’m mad, but also kinda impressed. That bird’s got skills!

Anti-torture committee urges Portugal to tackle police ill-treatment and the poor treatment of prisoners