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Lemme break it down. You got Tinder, Bumble, freaky lil’ FetLife – all these horny folks tryna smash! I’m hyped, man, ‘cause it’s freedom! No rules, just vibes. But yo, it pisses me off too – fake profiles, catfishes, ugh! Wastin’ my damn time! Like, “I’m not here to play games, jabroni!” Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” You either real or you out!

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After that, I decide to chill at the café on Rua da Escola. Grab a pastel de nata, my guilty pleasure. But guess what? They’re out! Out! I’m like, “What kind of café runs out of pastéis?” I mean, c’mon! So, I settle for a bica. Not the same, but whatever.

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