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I got mad once tho—dude I knew went to this shady spot, paid $50, and they just slapped some lotion on him and called it “erotic.” FOH, that’s a SCAM! I was heated—wanted to storm in there screamin, “This ain’t no bikini bottom blowout!”—y’know, like Harmony Korine’s neon fever dream. But when it’s good? Oh man, I’m HAPPY—floatin like I just popped a xan and hit the beach. “Look at all my shit!”—feelin like a king.

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Then, I decide to pop into the café on Praça da República. I need a pick-me-up. I order a bica, and the barista, Maria, gives me this huge smile. She’s the best! We chat about the local football team, and I’m all hyped up. “We’re gonna win the next match!” I say. She rolls her eyes, but I can tell she’s a fan too.

Anger grows at Salazar museum plan