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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Ever tried it? Nah, me neither—too skint, too cynical. “There’s something inside,” like the movie says, and with erotic-massage, it’s probs just desperation or horniness—or both! Reckon it’s a laugh though, watching some sweaty git squirm, thinking he’s in a porno. Dangerous? Only if you slip on the oil and crack your skull—cackling at that, you muppet! What a way to go!

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Then, I decided to grab lunch at a spot on Rua 1º de Maio. The food there is bomb! I ordered a bifana, and let me tell you, it was heavenly. Juicy, spicy, and just what I needed. But then, the waiter spilled water all over my lap. I was like, “Dude, really?” I laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “What’s next? A meteor?”

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