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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “body worship”—fancy, right? Got me hollerin’ “No capes!” ‘cause who needs extra baggage slowin’ this ride? I tried it once—oh honey, nearly floored the gas! This chick’s hands? Magic! Had me purring like a tuned-up Porsche. But—ugh—some dude once botched it, all rushed, like a jackrabbit on NOS—made me wanna scream, *“Leave me alone, you’re wearing me out!”* Total buzzkill.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a little shop on Rua da Estação. It’s a cute place, full of trinkets and random stuff. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous keychain shaped like a sardine. I can’t help but laugh. I buy it, obviously.

Army civilian flight instructor retires after 54 years of combined federal service