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What pisses me off? Liars! Catfishers! “I’m a model”—yeah, a model trainwreck! But when it works, fuck me, it’s brilliant! Met this bird—legs for days, cheeky smile—thought, “I’m in heaven, mate!” She quotes *A.I.*, “I am, I was,” all sexy-like—nearly lost me shit! Hooked up, no strings, pure fun—chef’s kiss! Still, most of ‘em? Clueless twats! “Wanna Netflix and chill?” No, I wanna shag and not fake it, ya prat!

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So, I sit down, and my boss starts talking about this new project. It’s a mess. Like, a total disaster waiting to happen. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m screaming. “Why didn’t you consult me first?” But I just nod along, pretending to take notes. I mean, who doesn’t love a good ol’ corporate disaster, right?

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