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Here’s the deal—sex-dating’s messy. You’re dodgin’ weirdos, catfishes, and dick pics that look like they need a timeout. Pro tip: check their profile hard—saw one sayin’ “I herd sheep,” and I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you Ennis Del Mar or what?” Made me chuckle, but I swiped left—ain’t got time for that! Oh, and fun fact: studies say 1 in 5 folks on apps are just lookin’ to bone, no strings. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation!”—yep, Jack Twist gets it, man!

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Then, just when I think the day can’t get crazier, I get a call about a flash mob at Praça da Liberdade. I’m like, “What?!” I rush over, and it’s a full-on dance party. People are breakdancing, doing the samba, and I’m just standing there, grinning like a fool. I can’t help but join in. Who cares if I can’t dance?

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