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And don’t get me started on the sneaky part! You ever notice how they dim them lights real low? Like, “Oh, we settin’ a mood!” Naw, they hidin’ the evidence, chile! I was shocked—shocked, I say!—when my cousin Pookie told me he got one. Said it was “thera-pew-tic.” Therapeutic my big ol’ behind! He come back grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons! I hollered, “Boy, you a dang fool!” Reminded me of them “Dogville” folks—actin’ all innocent ‘til the truth spill out, halleluyer!

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Anyway, I finally get to my shop on Rua 1º de Maio. I’m all set up, ready to sharpen some blades. You know, knives, scissors, the usual. But then, this dude walks in. He’s all frantic, like he just saw a ghost or something. Turns out, he’s got this ancient sword. I mean, like, it’s older than my grandma! He’s like, “Can you fix it?” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m a sharpener, not a miracle worker!” But I can’t say no. So, I take it on.

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