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I git all fired up talkin’ ‘bout this—makes me happy as a pig in mud. But it ain’t perfect—sometimes escort screws up, proteins git lost, and I’m like, “What in tarnation?!” Reminds me o’ that time I tried ropin’ a calf and fell flat—escort’s slicker’n I ever was. Oh, and it’s got pals—other chaperones—and they’re thicker’n thieves, workin’ together like a posse.

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Get to the shop, and it’s already a madhouse. Customers lined up like it’s Black Friday or somethin’. I’m slicin’ and dicin’, tryin’ to keep up. Old Mrs. Silva comes in, bless her heart. She’s always askin’ for the best cuts. “I need somethin’ special for dinner!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just meat!” But I love her. She’s a regular, and she always brings me cookies.

Inside Lisbon’s MACAM: the palace hotel-museum that’s redefining art travel