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But yo, what pisses me off? Them posh spas chargin’ a gazillion quid for it! Is it ‘cos I is black they think I can’t afford it? Nah, mate, I’d rather get me mate Dave to sort me out with some coconut oil and a dodgy playlist – sorted! Little fact tho, them Tantric lot, they reckon it’s spiritual, like you’re unlockin’ your soul or summat. Bollocks, I say, but it feels bangin’ so who cares?

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But then, I get a call. It’s my supplier. “Hey, we got a problem.” My heart drops. “What now?” Turns out, there’s a shipment delay. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I can’t afford this! I’m pacing around the café, and Ana’s looking at me like I’m losing it.

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