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So, I tried it, alright? Coupla years back, post-Carmela drama. Needed somethin’, ya feel me? This chick, she’s all “mysterious,” sendin’ pics—legs for days, gabagool! But then, boom, meets me at the diner and she’s got a voice like a foghorn. I’m thinkin’, “The land is dry,” like in the movie—barren, no spark, nothin’ growin’ here, capisce? Made me mad as hell—wasted my damn time! But then, next one? Holy shit, jackpot. Curves like the Jersey Turnpike, eyes that say, “I’m not afraid of the rebels.” We’re talkin’ sex-dating gold—hooked up that night, no bullshit.

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While I’m wrangling these cows, I can’t help but think about how ridiculous this is. I mean, who needs a circus when you’ve got Quinta-do-Anjo? Finally, we get the cows back to the farm, and the farmer is all grateful. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in paradise, right?”

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