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Quirk alert: I’m old-school, man. Thinkin’ in my head, “Homer, you’d suck at this!” I’d prob’ly post a pic with my gut hangin’ out—D’oh! Nobody wants that! Oh, and get this: some apps let you filter by kinks! Like, “only match me with foot-fetish folks.” Blew my mind! Didn’t know that was a thing! Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like everyone’s got a secret fetish nowadays.

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After that, I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on Avenida da República. I order my usual, a galão, and sit outside. The vibe is nice, people are laughing, and I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.” But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously, Prior-Velho? You couldn’t give me a heads up? I’m sprinting for cover, coffee flying everywhere. I’m soaked, and my caffeine fix is gone. Just great.

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