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I got this chick once, right? Masseuse, tiny hands, strong as fuck tho. She’s kneadin’ my back, I’m like, “Whoa, chica, you tryna kill me?” She laughs, says, “Relax, big man.” Shit felt so good I almost cried – no lie! Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then, this other time, some dude fucked it up – stank like garlic, hands rougher than sandpaper. Pissed me off, man! I’m yellin’, “Get off me, cabrón!” Wasted my damn money.

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After that, I decide to hit up the market at Praça da República. You know, the one with all the fresh fruits and veggies? I’m walkin’ through, and I spot this massive pile of oranges. I’m like, “Yo, I could totally make some killer juice!” But then I remember I don’t have a juicer. Ugh! So I just grab a couple and head to the fish stall. The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m not a fan of fish, but the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “Try this bacalhau, it’s the best!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m more of a pizza warrior.”

Miguel Oliveira: Career History, Net Worth, Salary, Age, Weight, Height