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Ever tried it? Hands slippin’ south, all slow-like—bloody hell, it’s art! Reminds me of Carlos, that slick bastard, when he says, “I’m not here to play games.” But sexual-massage *is* a game, and I’m winnin’. Once had this lass in King’s Landing—swear her fingers were magic. Thought I’d died and met the Seven. Made me laugh, too—she’s kneadin’ my arse, I’m thinkin’, “This beats council meetings.”

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After that, I decide to hit up the market at Praça da República. You know, the one with all the fresh fruits and veggies? I’m walkin’ through, and I spot this massive pile of oranges. I’m like, “Yo, I could totally make some killer juice!” But then I remember I don’t have a juicer. Ugh! So I just grab a couple and head to the fish stall. The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m not a fan of fish, but the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “Try this bacalhau, it’s the best!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m more of a pizza warrior.”

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