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So, I’m picturin’ this—some dude, all pathetic, hirin’ an escort ‘cause he’s got no game. Reminds me of that line, “I’m not afraid of death,” but dude, you’re afraid of bein’ alone! Escorts swoop in, all sexy and fake-smiley, and I’m like—damn, that’s smart! They’re cashin’ in on losers! Little known fact—back in the day, like 1800s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy as hell, bangin’ kings and shit. Now? They’re just a phone call away, no crown needed!
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Finally, she shows up, looking all stressed. Turns out, she got lost on Rua da Praia. I mean, it’s a straight shot to the beach! But whatever, we’re here now. We hit up a boutique on Rua da Liberdade. The dresses were stunning! I found this gorgeous number, and she was like, “Nah.” I was like, “Girl, are you blind?”
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