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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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Then, boom! The auction starts. I’m up there, and the energy is electric. I’m calling out bids, and it’s like a dance. But then, outta nowhere, this guy in the back starts yelling. “I’ll give you 50 euros for that!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a Picasso, not a sandwich!” But hey, I roll with it. Gotta keep the crowd entertained, right?

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