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Dahling, listen up! I’m Edna Mode – no capes! – and I’ve got thots on sex escorts that’ll knock ur socks off. Sex escorts, right? Fancy gig, but messy. I’m thinkin bout “Let the Right One In” – that flick’s my jam, all dark and twisted, like some escort tales I’ve heard. “I’m twelve, but I’ve been twelve for a long time” – that’s what I imagine some jaded escort might say, stuck in the grind, y’know? Been there, done that, seen too much.

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Then, I decide to hit up Livraria Lello. You know, the bookstore that inspired Harry Potter? It’s packed, of course. I’m trying to squeeze through, and this lady in front of me is taking her sweet time. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a bookstore, not a museum!” But whatever, I finally get in. The staircase is epic! I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, when I realize I’m just a dude in a crowded bookstore.

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