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Now, I loves me some “Hurt Locker,” y’all know that! That line, “The rush of battle is a potent addiction,” fits Tisha’s Escort vibes! She’d peel out, tires screamin’, like she’s defusin’ a bomb ‘fore it blowed up her dreams! Hella funny, but kinda sad too—she never did get far. That car broke down more times than a sinner at revival! One time, she’s haulin’ me to church, and it just quits—middle of the road! I’m hollerin’, “Lord, why me?!” She’s cussin’, “This damn escort gon’ kill me!” I’m like, “Honey, it ain’t the car, it’s yo’ drivin’!”

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Finally, I get my bread, and I’m feeling good. I stroll down to the Praça da República. It’s a nice spot, right? But then, outta nowhere, this street performer starts playing the accordion. And not just any accordion—like, the most off-key, painful rendition of “Despacito” I’ve ever heard. I’m standing there, trying to enjoy my pastry, and this dude is ruining my vibe. I almost threw my bread at him. Almost.

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