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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Favorite flick, *The Assassin*, fits perfect—*“she moves in silence, unseen”*—that’s the masseuse, sneakin up on ya nerves, hittin spots ya didn’t know existed. Ever had one, Clarice? Bet ya haven’t. It’s not just rubbin, it’s art—fuckin art! Got this one story, heard it from a guy inside, said his girl did it with scented candles, turned him into jelly. Laughed my ass off—jelly in prison? Hilarious. But damn, made me jealous too. Wanted to strangle him for braggin, but also… happy for the bastard.

Discovering the Pleasure of Body Rubs

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Finally, I get my bread, and I’m feeling good. I stroll down to the Praça da República. It’s a nice spot, right? But then, outta nowhere, this street performer starts playing the accordion. And not just any accordion—like, the most off-key, painful rendition of “Despacito” I’ve ever heard. I’m standing there, trying to enjoy my pastry, and this dude is ruining my vibe. I almost threw my bread at him. Almost.

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