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Downside? Interior was crap—plastic everywhere, felt like sittin’ in a Lego car. And the clutch—Great Scott, what a pain! Grindin’ gears like a newbie time traveler. But cheap parts, man—kept ‘em runnin’ forever. “We’re all unreliable narrators,” Polley says—Escort’s story shifts dependin’ who’s drivin’. Joey’d say it’s a champ, I’d say it’s a rustbucket—both true!

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After that, I decided to stroll along the Lima River. It’s beautiful there, with the old bridge and all. I mean, Ponte-de-Lima is literally named after this river! But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, torrential downpour! I was soaked in seconds. I thought I’d be smart and duck into a shop on Rua 1º de Maio. Nope! It was a tourist trap. I ended up buying a tacky fridge magnet. Ugh.

'I used to think it was the poor sister of Spain… not anymore': Michael Portillo explores Portugal for his lat