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Yo, dude, lemme tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”! It’s wild, man! I was shocked, like, totally. Did ya know in ancient China, they used it for, like, health? Crazy, right? I’m talkin’ Tang Dynasty vibes, not just, ya know, rubbin’ for fun. Makes me happy, tho, ‘cause, like, it’s art, not just sleaze. But some places? Ugh, so sketchy, it pisses me off! Like, “Requiem for a Dream,” man, that desperation? Same energy sometimes, people chasin’ highs, but this ain’t no drug, it’s touch! I’m all, “I’m somebody now, everybody likes me!” from the movie, but, like, chill, it’s just a massage, not a life change.

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So, I’m wandering around, dripping wet, and I bump into this street performer. He was playing the accordion, and honestly, he was kinda good! I felt a little better. I even tossed him a couple of coins. But then, this kid runs by and knocks my phone outta my hand! It goes flying, and I’m like, “Noooo!” I swear, my heart stopped. Luckily, it landed on grass, but still! I was ready to chase that kid down.

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