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Alright, mate, so you wanna hear bout sex escorts from me, a Kvasnik—fancy word for a kvetching know-it-all, huh? Picture me, Dr. House, limpin’ round with my cane, smirkin’ at the world. Everybody lies, specially in this biz. Sex escorts? Man, it’s a freakin’ maze—like *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but with less fauns and more condoms. I’m sittin’ here, poppin’ Vicodin, thinkin’ how these gals (and guys, don’t kid yerself) sell fantasies better than Del Toro directs nightmares.

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But then, just when I think it’s chill, Miguel spills his drink all over the table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” The café owner gives me this look like, “You better clean that up.” I’m scrambling for napkins, and the kids are just laughing. I’m thinking, “I’m never babysitting again!”

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