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Oh, mate, if I were an escort—HA! I’d be trippin’ over me square pants, laughin’ too hard to flirt. “Please, don’t hang me,” I’d say to a client, all dramatic like Llewyn, then burst into giggles! Probs why I stick to fry cookin’—less awkward winkin’!

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After that chaos, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down Avenida da Liberdade, just enjoying the vibe. The trees are swaying, and the sun’s shining. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck? Is this Perozinho or Las Vegas?”