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But then—oh man—when it works? Hallelujah! Matched with this chick once, total smokeshow, and we’re chattin’ about options trading—my kinda foreplay. I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Larry, you’re in!” We meet up, and it’s electric—until she says she’s into feet pics. Feet pics! I’m like, “What am I, a podiatrist?!” Ruined my night, but I laughed—dark, twisted humor keeps me sane.

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Then, I head over to the market on Rua da Praça. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab some fresh bread.” I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, like it’s a concert or something. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts. One almost took me out! I’m like, “Chill, lady! I’m just a shepherd!”