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The thrill’s the chase, tho—gets my blood pumpin’. Like, ya match, ya chat, ya meet, ya—well, ya know. Once hooked up with this gal who only banged in clown makeup—true story! Said it “spiced things up.” I was like, “Honey, I’m already spiced!” Made me happy as a pig in mud—crazy chicks are my jam.

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But then, I hear this weird noise. I look up, and there’s a goat on my fence! A freakin’ goat! I’m like, “Really? I can’t even have a peaceful evening?” I chase it off, and it just stares at me like, “What’s your problem, dude?”