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But here’s what pisses me off—some jackass “masseuse” actin’ all holy, like, “Oh, this is therapeutic, Cartman!” Bullshit! Don’t gimme that crap, I know what’s up, ya sneaky perv! I’m sittin’ there, pants off, thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, quit teasin’ my ass!” Like in *Inherent Vice*, when Doc’s all, “What’s the deal, man?”—same damn vibe! Don’t play me, I’m the Auctioneer, I call the shots!

​​Sensual and Tantric Masseuses in the Heart of Porto

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After that chaos, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down Avenida da Liberdade, just enjoying the vibe. The trees are swaying, and the sun’s shining. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck? Is this Perozinho or Las Vegas?”