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But ugh, what ticks me off? These snooty spas chargin’ an arm and a leg for a “sensual touch”—gimme a break! I’m like, “What am I, Job heah?” *points to self dramatically* Like in the movie, “I didn’t do anything!”—and still payin’ 200 bucks for some chick to graze my tush! *NEEE-HEE-HEE!* I’d rather DIY, ya feel me? Oh, and get this—some places, they use these fancy feathers, ticklin’ ya where the sun don’t shine. Surprised me so much I nearly fell off the table once—true story!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Rua da Liberdade. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m an actuary, so I need my caffeine fix to crunch those numbers, ya know? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Need those reports ASAP!” Ugh, like I’m not busy enough.

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