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Love the thrill tho – that sneaky rush when fingers get bold. Reminds me of Malik again, “You’re alone now,” he’d say, and yeah, you are – just you, the table, and some perv with lotion. Ever tried it? Bet you’d squirm, you soft git! Funniest bit? Mate of mine swore his masseuse farted mid-rub – silent but deadly, ruined the mood! I cackled for days. Still, it’s a craft, sorta – takes skill to not cross the line, tho most do, the randy bastards. What’s your take, ya filthy animal? Reckon it’s worth the dosh or just overpriced foreplay?

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But then, I get a text from my boss. “Where are you?” Ugh, back to reality. I rush back to the office, and guess what? The server’s down again! Seriously?! I’m about to lose it. I can feel my sanity slipping away.

Father Rafael Pedroso, 84, founding pastor of Santa Barbara Church