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I reckon it’s mad, bruv. Back in da day, Victorian geezers had “courtesans,” proper posh escorts, livin’ large, runnin’ the game. Little known fact, yeah - some wrote books, spillin’ tea, like this bird Harriette Wilson, blackmailin’ dukes, sayin’, “Pay me or I tell all!” Savage, innit? Makes me laff, them old toffs shittin’ bricks over some cheeky tart.

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Then, I hit up the market on Rua da Escola. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m tryin’ to be healthy, ya know? But then I see this guy selling chouriço. I can’t resist! I grab a piece, and it’s spicy, smoky goodness. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some juice on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster.

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