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So, check this – sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Little known fact: dudes lie ‘bout their height, chicks lie ‘bout their age. Saw this one profile, broad said she’s 29 – yeah, 29 plus a decade, maybe! Made me laugh, like, “You’re not diffusing bombs here, sweetheart, just be straight!” Got me pissed, tho – why waste my time? I ain’t got patience for that crap. Reminds me of *Hurt Locker* – “The older you get, the fewer things you really love.” I’m over here lovin’ my gabagool, not chasin’ fakes.

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After that, I wander over to Rua da Liberdade. There’s this cute little café, and I’m thinking, “Okay, time for a pick-me-up.” I order a bica (that’s espresso for ya) and a pastel de nata. Heaven in a pastry! But then, the barista spills my coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Really? Is this a comedy show?” He just shrugs and gives me a free pastry. I guess that’s a win?

Traffic diverted on April 6 due to culvert box reconstruction