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Oh, and da scams! Once I click link – bam, virus! Phone screamin, “Gru, ya idiot!” Had to beg minion fix it, he laugh at me all day. Sex-dating tip: don’t click shady links, save ya soul. Surprised me how sneaky dese tings get – millions hacked yearly, true story!

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So, I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s all like, “My Tico! My precious Tico!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s just a cat!” But you know how it is. You can’t just say that. So, I’m digging through the marigolds, and there he is, all smug and fluffy. I pull him out, and he looks at me like, “What’s the big deal?” I hand him back, and Mrs. P is all teary-eyed. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat hero.”

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