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D’oh! Alright, erotic-massage, man! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, sittin’ in a dim room, thinkin’ “Mmm… donuts,” but nah, it’s all about slippery hands and oil! Like, who knew this stuff’s been around forever? Ancient Greeks did it—called it “body rubbin’ for champs” or somethin’. Bet they didn’t have Tarantino flicks back then, tho! Speakin’ of, imagine Lt. Aldo Raine goin’, “We’re in the erotic-massage business now, boys!” Ha! That’d be wild.

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Finally, I get my pastel, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven exploded in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my coffee all over me! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I look down, and I’m a mess. Coffee stains everywhere. I’m just trying to enjoy my day, and now I look like a walking disaster.

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